Dealing with Rejection
Rejection is a part of the writing life, and the sooner we "get used to it", the better
Rejections happen
If you’re writing fiction with the intention of being published, at some point you’ll want to submit your work to a publisher. And unless you’re super lucky, super talented, or both, chances are — being that there are few slots for publication, and editors’ time to review your story is already slim (as I’ve detailed in a previous article that went viral on social media) — you will be rejected1. That is, the publisher will opt not to publish your work.
But wait! you protest in fury. I’ve spent 10,000 hours researching the mating habits of Scandinavian tree lice! I wrote this novel in between caring for a newborn child and holding down six jobs! I poured my heart and soul into this work! How dare you reject me!
The short of it is, unless you’re a steel cage (and I am not), rejections sting. They smart. You work hard on a thing, and all you get back is a one line response: “Thank you, but we are not interested at this time.”
This pain is normal. It’s frustrating. And it can be heartbreaking, depending on how much emotion you invest in the work. For me, it’s usually a lot.
Give yourself room to feel, but don’t let it stop you
Here’s the thing: it’s ok to be sad, or frustrated, or upset. This is normal. A few writers told me they don’t get bothered by rejections. I don’t believe them. I’ve known a few other writers who were so emotionally invested in their work that they couldn’t bear to receive a rejection, and so they asked another person to submit on their behalf.
Whatever you feel is fine. Let yourself feel it. Every editor is just a person in the end, and every person has their tastes and desires. (Just think of how musical tastes vary among your friends.) Your work may not have aligned with what the editor is looking for. It doesn’t mean your work isn’t good. It just means it isn’t for them.
Do not respond!
But whatever you do, Do not respond! This is super important, so I’ll say it again: do not respond to rejections. Not only is this considered unprofessional, many editors will get angry with you, and they may block or restrict you from submitting to their publication again.
Sure, that one sentence in their rejection email was real snarky. And they totally didn’t appreciate your unbridled genius prose on page 3. But responding to a rejection letter will only get you into trouble. Go vent to your significant other or your cat. I promise you, it will save your career.
Even great writers get rejections
Stephen King in On Writing spoke about the spike he hung above his desk. Every time he got a rejection letter (submissions were by postal mail in those days) he hung it on the spike. At one point he had accumulated so many rejections the spike fell off the wall.
James Tiptree, Jr (a.k.a. Alice B. Sheldon) and Ursula K. LeGuin wrote each other letters complaining of rejections. And I’ve seen veteran editor Ellen Datlow reject stories from veteran authors at the top of their field. It doesn’t matter who you are. Rejections are part of the game.
You can try hard and fail — that’s just life
As Captain Picard famously said in Star Trek The Next Generation, “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”
It’s tempting to take rejections personally, to think the rejection is a comment on your worthiness as a human. But this is not true. It’s merely a comment on that particular person feeling your work isn’t a good fit for their publication. The fact that they do not take the work is not a reflection on your self-worth. Do not mistake the two.
Get back on the saddle immediately
It’s tempting to wallow in self-pity when you get a rejection. You might have a crisis of confidence: Am I good enough? Do I need to rewrite my story? Should I stop this writing thing altogether?
My advice: take that story or novel and immediately send it out to another publisher. Do not wait. Do not pause. I’ve seen far to many good writers stop writing because a few rejections spoiled their confidence. Putting your work out there immediately is the best way I’ve found to lessen the sting of a rejection. If one editor doesn’t like your work, maybe another will.
Rejections are a part of the writing life, and having good techniques to handle them will help you along the way. Just remember that it’s okay to feel. No one is impervious. But if you really want to build a writing career2, it’s good to have some helpful tools.
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A few years ago some folks on Twitter tried (and failed) to start a movement to change “rejected” to “declined” on my Moksha system, because they felt “rejected” was too harsh. But the Oxford dictionary defines “rejected” as to “dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one's taste.” And this is exactly what is happening. An editor is the ultimate arbiter of what they will publish and changing the word doesn’t change the outcome.
I’m speaking obviously of traditional publishing here. Indy (or self) publishing doesn’t have to deal with rejections in the same way.
So...is it a faux pas to thank the editor for their consideration? On my last submission, the editor gave me some outstanding feedback with the rejection, so I thanked him. Or am I intruding on their limited time?
Thank you. I needed this